dedicated to my mom's hotdog buns

A few times in my adult life, my mom has reminisced about when she would make homemade buns to send in my school lunches... but if it wasn't for her storytelling I'm not sure I would've ever remembered them!  This was a thought that spurred on the idea and purpose of this blog, so I figured I needed to set out to try making some homemade hotdog buns myself! 

The verdict? They are delicious. Will I turn Suzy Homemaker and make these throughout Rowan's childhood. Yeeeeeah... about that... I'm gonna go with NOPE. Oh and Mom, I love you. You were really great for making these for me.

You guys, I just do not LOVE cooking/baking. It is so messy, and I'm a perfectionist (who is now a mom with not much time!).  I just cannot see myself really ever making these ever again, but I've learned to never say never.

Maybe with a bread maker? Maybe a different recipe using my standup mixer? Anyway, I'm probably just being a big baby because this recipe is pretty good.  If you suddenly find yourself with more time than a 13 year old with no friends... Here it is...

First and foremost, I am listing these baking steps at the pace of a mentally impaired tortoise, because that's how I feel when I'm reading recipes. If you are a baking pro, you should just go read the original recipe from Joy the Baker, who spells things out at the pace of a person with normal cooking intelligence. 

So, STEP 1: Create warm-water mixture.
2 tablespoons of granulated sugar
(I somehow only ended up having granulated sugar packets... for when crazy people like my sisters drink coffee at my house with SUGAR. Weirdos. So if you're wondering, that would be 5 sugar packets!)

2 tablespoons of active dry yeast
(or 2 packets, if you bought those)

1/2 cup of warm water - 105°F to 115°F
(I put it in the microwave for 30 seconds and it was nearly spot on.)

Now dissolve the sugar and yeast in that warm water in a large mixing bowl! *Use Your second biggest bowl.*

STEP 2: Add in other ingredients and then the FLOUR slooooowly!

2 tablespoons of olive oil.

2 teaspoons of salt.

2 cups of warm milk - 105°F to 115°F.
(I used the microwave for 60-90 seconds)

Add 3 cups of flour only 1/2 cup at a time. Why? I don't know... probably to make this recipe take not only your whole day but all your sleeping hours too! '

WHISK LIKE THE WIND!!! 2 minutes! 
Stop long enough to get your cat off the table. No milk for you, kitty! 

Add at least 3 MORE cups of flour
(That is SIX total, for you fellow humanities majors. Also, there is a note that in the summer, you can use/need more flour. So I scooped an extra 7th cup to have the number of perfection.)

It's a lot of flour, people. Keep scoopin'! 1/2 cup at a time... DON'T FORGET.

Keep going until the dough starts to "pull away from the sides of the bowl," they say. 

STEP 3: KNEAD that dough, baby!

Sprinkle some flour on your workspace. 
(Remember it's not confetti or your house will look like mine does right now.)

Use a utensil of some kind to start folding and kneading the dough.
(A bench knife was recommended, but I did not have one or know what that is before today. So I used this flat spoon.)

WORK IT. WORRRRK IT.

Am I doing this right? I feel like I'm giving a massage to a small creature.

Knead until it is smooth and "elastic."

Get a bowl even more giant than your first one. Hopefully you did not use your biggest one first, like I did. See? Aren't you glad I told you to use your second biggest bowl earlier? 

Swirly swirl the oily oil all around that bowl, plop your dough ball in it and turn the dough around to coat in the oil. 

HOW FUN!

STEP 4: Now we play the waiting game...

Cover the bowl with a tightly-woven dampened towel and watch 3 episodes of your favorite sitcom on Netflix. (1 hour.)

Return to the bowl and be amaaaazed!!!

STEP 5: Divide up your dough! 

I hope you didn't put your olive oil away yet! Use it to coat your work space.

Cut your dough into 3 EVEN pieces... 
(Do not reference example photo.)

*A pizza knife works GREAT! Hooray!*

Then time for more fractions...

Cut each of those 3 hunks in half.

Now you have 6! Ta-daaaaa.

Cut each of those 6 pieces into 3.

Now you have 18! We did it! Yay math!

OLIVE OIL. AGAIN!-- Lay out some parchment on 2 baking sheets and lightly grease it.

GENTLY roll the sections into cylinders.

You can slightly flatten the top/centers, but don't go too crazy with it. My buns that were too flat were hard and not as good. And that's the first time I've even had flat, hard buns...AMIRIGHT?!

STEP 6: Wait AGAIN!

I know you were really dying to watch 2 more episodes of that show... GO RIGHT AHEAD. Oh but first cover the buns loosely with that damp towel again. Come back 45 minutes later, and they should be almost twice the size! WOWEE! (Pre-heat your oven to 400°F!)

STEP 7/8: Egg wash + Sprinkle!

Then make an egg wash (1 egg + 1 tablespoon of cold water). Beat that egg up real nice.

Brush the buns with the egg wash and sprinkle with your seeds and salt of choice! (I used sea salt, poppy seeds and sesame seeds. I LOVE SEEDS!)

STEP 9: BAKE! YAY FINALLY! 

Now your oven should be ready at 400°F! 

Bake those puppies for 10 minutes.

Switch the pan on the top rack with the one on the bottom and bake another 10!
(That's 20 total, if you weren't paying attention.)

Cool those buns on a rack!
(If you want to... I actually forgot about that.)

STEP 10: SLICE AND EAT EM UP!

Slice down one side, but don't go too far or your little dogs will just fall right out.

How did I eat 'em?
...with Lightlife veggie dogs, Tofurky beer brats (made with Full Sail Ale), and Stadium Mustard -- because Zack says you gotta. 

I cooked the dogs 5 minutes on each side on the grill and then topped them with the mustard, tomatoes, pickles, and THIS IS KEY... generous shakes of celery salt!

Despite the fact that I could throw down some dogs in my childhood, according to mom... I went possibly a decade without even eating them! This was my adult version paired nicely with a crisp lime La Croix. Okay, maybe I'll rethink making these again after all. 

ingredients + supplies

2 tablespoons granulated sugar
2 tablespoons (or packets) active dry yeast 
1/2 cup warm water (105°F to 115°F)
2 cups warm milk (105°F to 115°F)
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 teaspoons salt
6 to 7 1/2 cups all-purpose flour*
egg wash: 1 egg + 1 tablespoon cold water
poppy seeds, sesame seeds, and sea salt for topping (optional)

large mixing bowls
two baking sheets
parchment paper
cooling rack (optional)
bench knife (or other flat utensil)
measuring cups, dish towel, etc...
time!